搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第一篇

给予与提取

My friend's preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind' her,xxxMy children are in their 20's，and I'm still giving them money. When does it end?xxx

我的朋友为其子女的光临做着一些准备工作。这些工作当然包括要到银行去一超。当她在出纳员的窗外排队等候时，她对她身后的一位中年男子说:“我的孩子们都20多岁了，可我仍然得给他们钱。这种事什么时候才算完呢?”

xxxI'm not sure，xxxthe man replied while glancing uncomfortably at a paper in his hand，xxxbut I`m not the one to ask. I'm here to deposit a check my mother gave me.xxx

“我可不知道。”那位男子边回答边不安地看着手里拿着的那张纸。“我可不是你该问的人，我到这儿是来支取我妈妈给我的支票的。”

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第二篇

一物降一物”

xxxIt's annoying when my dentist starts up a conversation while he's working on my teeth，xxxone guy said to another.

一个人对另一个人说:“当我的牙医陪我看牙时，他总是跟我聊天。这真让我心烦。”

xxxI know just what you mean，”replied his friend. xxxBut my Uncle Edgar used to drive this dentist crazy.'

他的朋友回答说:“我明白你的意思，但我的叔叔艾德加就曾使这位牙医不知所措。”

xxxHow so?xxx

“怎么会这样呢?”

xxxHe was a ventriloquist.xxx

“他是个口技演员。”

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第三篇

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, ¨Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never small and are always silent.

有位小老太太去看医生，她对医生说：”医生，我有爱放屁的毛病。其实也不是大问题，因为我放屁不臭而且没声音。

As a matter Of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know l was farting because they don't smell and are silent.” The doctor says, ¨I see, Here's aprescription.

事实上，自从我进了你办公室后，已经放了至少20个屁了，但是你并不知道对吧，因为我的屁不臭，而且还没声音。xxx医生说：“好的，我明白了。

Take these piles 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week.xxx The next week the lady goes back. xxxDoctor,xxx she says, ¨I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent... stink terribly.

吃这个药片，一天三次连续吃七天，下星期你再来。一个星期后，老太太来了，¨医生，你到底给的我什么药，现在我放屁还是没声音。

The doctor says, “Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing.xxx

但是怎么这么臭xxx医生说：太好了!既然你的嗅觉正常了，门开始治听觉吧。¨

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第四篇

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.xxxWhat did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?xxx

xxxI gave it to a poor old woman,xxx he answered.

xxxYou're a good boy,xxx said the mother proudly.xxxHere are two cents why are you so interested in the old woman?xxx

xxxShe is the one who sells the candy.xxx

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第五篇

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more,uttering.xxxTrust me,Sir,and trust the are real US are directly from America.xxx

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第六篇

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.

一只瞎眼的兔子和一只瞎眼的蛇相遇了。它们俩都知道自己是什么动物，但不知道对方是什么，于是它们都决定试试对方

The rabbit says, xxxYou feel me first.xxx The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.

兔子说：“你先摸摸我。”蛇同意了，它摸了一下兔子。

He says, xxxWell, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet.。.xxx

蛇说：“额，你全身都有皮毛，有一个小棉球似的尾巴，耳朵很长，后腿很粗壮…”

The rabbit says, xxxI know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!xxx Then the rabbit feels the snake.

兔子说，“我知道！我是只兔子！耶！”然后兔子摸了一下蛇。

He says, xxxOkay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue.。.xxx

兔子说，“好吧，你长长的细细的，全身都滑溜溜的，还有一根分叉的舌头…”

The snake says, xxxOh no! I'm a lawyer.xxx

蛇说：“不！我是个律师”

上面内容就是虎知道为您整理出来的5篇《英语幽默小短文欣赏》，希望可以启发您的一些写作思路。

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第七篇

It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”

圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦地问犯人：“你做了什么坏事啊？”

“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.

“我今年圣诞节购物早了些”犯人回答。

“There's nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. How early were you doing this shopping?”

“这么做没错啊，”法官说：“到底多早之前啊？“

“Before the store opened, ”answered the prisoner.

“商店开门之前“犯人答道。

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第八篇

you could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. you could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it ! you could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. you could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. you could click on xxxfindxxx( ctrl,f)to recover your lost remote control and car keys. to get your daily exercise,just click on xxxrunxxx!if you mess up your life,you could always press xxxctrl,alt,xxx and start all over!

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第九篇

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

xxxHow old are you?xxx he said.

xxxEighteen, sir,xxx said John.

xxxBut your brother was eighteen, too,xxx said the doctor. xxxAre you twins?xxx

xxxOh, no, sir,xxx said John, and his face went red. xxxMy brother is five months older than I am.xxx

第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

“你多大了?”军医问。

“十八，长官。”约翰说。

“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”

搞笑的英语新闻短篇范文 第十篇

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, xxxhave you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?xxx

军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”

Bill said, xxxYes, I have,xxx and he gave them to him.

比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

Then George said, xxxNow I haven‘t got a pen.xxx Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, xxxhave you got a stamp, Bill?xxx Bill gave him one.

乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, xxxAre you going out?xxx

这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”

Bill Said, xxxYes, I am,xxx and he opened the door.

比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

George said, xxxPlease put my letter in the box in the office, and...xxx He stopped.

乔治说：“请帮我把封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。

xxxWhat do you want now?xxx Bill said to him.

“你还要什么?”比尔问。

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, xxxWhat‘s your girl-friend‘s address?xxx

乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”