我吃土不是因为我没钱，而是想讲土味情话给你听。

I didn't eat the soil because I didn't have money, but I wanted to talk to you.

生活中总有许多出人意料的事情，比如，你以为我要举个例子。

There are always many unexpected things in life. For example, you think I want to give an example.

人生就像心电图，如果一帆风顺，就说明你挂了。

Life is like an electrocardiogram. If everything goes well, it means you are dead.

去拿快递，快递员一直找不到，于是转身问我：你是不是小件货？

To get the express, the courier has been unable to find, so turned and asked me: are you a small piece of goods?

谈一场错误的恋爱就像尿床，暖一时，凉一被子。

Talking about a wrong love is like wet bed, warm for a while, cool for a quilt.

如果把我的人生拍成一部电影，那么电影名我已经想好了，就叫穷极一生。

If my life is made into a movie, then I have already thought about the title of the movie. It's called poor life.

好看的皮囊三千一宿，有趣的灵魂要房要车。

Good looking skin bag for three thousand a night, interesting soul for room to car.

别人谈恋爱靠长相，靠套路，靠花钱。而我就单纯多了，只靠对方眼瞎。

Others fall in love by looks, routines and money. And I'm much more simple, just blind by the other side.

养金鱼真的挺方便的，第一天养，第二天就都死光了，饲料都不用喂。

It's really convenient to raise goldfish. The first day, the second day, they all died. There's no need to feed them.

谁说男女生没有纯洁的友谊？只要长得丑，四海之内皆朋友！

Who says there is no pure friendship between boys and girls? As long as you are ugly, you will be friends all over the world!

如果你总是失望，那你应该反思一下，自己为啥要有那么多的希望。

If you are always disappointed, you should reflect on why you have so much hope.

人生中总有一些这样的人，费尽心思接近你，每天陪你聊天到深夜，其实只是为了偷你的表情包。

In life, there are always some people who try their best to approach you and chat with you late into the night, just to steal your expression bag.

（图片和素材源自网络，侵权联删）