生活将我们磨圆，是为了让我们滚更远。

Life will round us, is to let us roll further.

单身久了，别说拧瓶盖了，消防栓我都能拧开。

I've been single for a long time. Let alone screw the bottle cap. I can screw the fire hydrant.

一个人恍然大悟叫发现，一群人恍然大悟叫受骗。

A person's sudden realization is discovery, and a group of people's sudden realization is deception.

你长成那样儿，就不要撒娇了吧，容易让人起妊娠反应。

If you grow up like that, don't be coquettish. It's easy for people to react to pregnancy.

爱情是一场高烧，烧傻的就去结婚了，退烧的分了手，那些痴痴缠缠的都是正在烧着的。

Love is a high fever, burning silly to get married, fever of parting hands, those who are burning.

只愿得一人心，免得老去相亲。

Just want to get a heart, so as not to go on a blind date.

现实中的感情，就是一个不认输，一个不罢手，凑合一辈子。

In reality, one doesn't give up, the other doesn't give up, making do for a lifetime.

在过去，只要感情真，年龄不是问题。而现在，只要感情真，性别不是问题。

In the past, as long as the feelings were true, age was not a problem. Now, as long as the feelings are true, gender is not a problem.

永远不要和父母吵架，因为你吵不赢的时候只有挨骂，当你吵得赢的时候只有挨打。

Never quarrel with your parents, because you only get scolded when you can't win, and only get beaten when you can win.

请不要叫我宅男，叫我闭家锁；请不要叫我宅女，叫我居里夫人。

Please don't call me otaku, call me lock up; please don't call me otaku, call me Madame Curie.

只要能干掉鸟人，我就是天使！

As long as I can kill Birdman, I am an angel!

秀发去无踪，头屑更出众。

No trace of hair, dandruff more outstanding.

没人送你礼物没关系，你可以找我啊，只要你开口，我都说没有。

It doesn't matter if no one gives you a gift. You can come to me. As long as you open your mouth, I say no.

想当年我也是颗痴情种子，结果下场雨，淹死了。

I was also an infatuated seed, but it rained and drowned.

文章转载自微信公众号：把生活变成梦想